Zombie School: A Survival Guide

Geoff: Welcome to Sawston College, my name’s Geoff Peng. I transferred here just before the virus broke out. Apparently the Year 9 biology class was responsible for the outbreak.
Science teacher: So here we have a lamb’s heart. Make your incision down through the wall of the right atrium and ventricle, like so.
Student: Are you OK, sir?
Geoff: I’m here to tell you how to survive at Sawston, stay alive and get those all important GCSEs. There are five rules to keep your head at Sawston ... quite literally. Rule 1 - Don’t stand out.
Registration teacher: Charlie? (Charlie grunts)  Tiegan? (Tiegan moans)  Geoff? (Geoff groans)  Ethan?
Ethan: Yes, Miss.
Geoff: It’s gonna hurt! Rule 2 - Make sure you stay fit and agile and have a good pair of shoes on you. Zombie!
Geoff’s classmate: Zombie!
Geoff: Hit the ropes.
Geoff’s classmate: My trainers! They’re not gripping!
Geoff: Rule 3 - Bring a packed lunch. If the virus doesn’t kill you, the zombie school dinners will. Rule 4 - Stay out of trouble. If you get sent to the principal’s office, you’re never coming back.
Student: Sir, seriously, I’m not an idiot, I wouldn’t break the rules like that. I did not bring my mobile phone into school ... Please don’t eat me!
Geoff: Rule 5 - No matter how much you like someone, never get emotionally attached. When it comes to zombies, stay your distance.
Drama teacher: OK, guys, so we really want to see that raw emotion OK, so just pull at those heart strings.
Boy actor: My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand to heal thy rough touch with a tender kiss.
Drama teacher: No! He’s my leading man!
Student: It is a tragedy, sir!
Geoff: If you can follow my five rules, you may have a chance of surviving in this troubled, troubled world.